I have always thought of myself as a very happy person but I also realize that with any one emotion being very strong the others are likely strong as well! So it's no real surprise to me that I LOVE big and have been brought to tears more in the last 6 months than ever before in my life! I have happy tears when I laugh and laugh or sad ones at times but by far the most tears have come from the loss of sweet babies. Until I was pregnant I had no idea that I had so many friends who had or have now experienced the loss of a tiny life. My life will never be the same and I both pray for these families and praise God for giving them the strength to not just go on but make a difference in others lives from their loss.
Jessica and Ryan, Katie and Jason and Meredith and Patrick have shared their stories, pictures and struggles with myself and the world and for that I am forever blessed, humbled, uplifted and grateful but the emotion that continues to wash over me is sadness and I can't seem to shake it. I tear up every time I see sweet baby Miller's face and while there are not near as many public photos of Reese or Wyatt I know that their photos would affect me the same. I want to do something. Something to make the pain that my friends have felt and will always feel go away but the only thing I can do is pray and so I do. Then I look at my sweet little girl's photos on my desk and I tear up because the day can't come to an end soon enough for me to get to Just Like Home and pick up my sweet baby. I want to hold her and never let her go. I worry that if something ever happened to her that I would never recover much less be able to touch so many lives in the ways that these incredible friends of mine have.
As a mom I "worry" that I will always worry about something even though I know it's a completely a waste of time.
It is a never ending cycle but again...all I can do is pray and thank God for every day that I have with Emma and everyone in my family too!
Philippians 4:6-7 ESV
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
1 Peter 5:7 ESV
Casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.
Be blessed!!!
2 comments:
I feel the same way. We are so lucky to have our girls!
Beautifully said, Jill. I think being a parent makes you much more sensitive to those horribly sad stories of loss. We are lucky to have our sweet girls and should definitely give them extra hugs and kisses every morning and every evening.
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